Dating someone sexually abused child dating girl island
After my abuse, even a small, affectionate touch, like a hug, could bring back memories of violence.
And given the mental manipulation I had experienced, even simple, normal requests felt like calculating control.
His response: "Don’t worry, a lot of girls don’t want to have sex before they’re married." It surprised me that even after our many conversations, his understanding of my abuse was that it primarily centered on issues surrounding sex.
Sure, concerns about physical intimacy were part of what I was dealing with, but the knot of trauma I was trying to untie was so much more complicated than he—and many people in my life—imagined.
At first, I was scared to say what I meant, but as Ward says, when you are with the right person, they’ll never use your words to shame you—they’ll just listen.
As my father asked me years ago, many people wonder why sexual assault affects more than "just" sex in a survivor’s life.
Deanna Ward, LMFT, a trauma-informed EMDR clinician, explains it this way: "It isn’t really about sex. it can be about humiliation, and sometimes making the victim experience self-loathing and disgust in themselves because of what they were made to do. It affects trust of others, it affects vulnerability, and often can affect both physical and emotional intimacy."How can survivors overcome these issues? Know that an appropriate partner will always be considerate of this and never use it against you."When entering into physical intimacy with a new partner, Ward recommends above all taking things slowly.
"The prospects of building a bright, healthy relationship post-trauma are huge," says trauma specialist Bill Bray, MA, LPC.
But he stresses the importance of seeking out therapy (and potentially couples’ therapy), along with education resources to facilitate the building of a promising relationship.